It's true what they say about high school, "Enjoy it while it lasts because everything changes when you graduate." And my world was turned upside down.
The night of graduation was nothing but partying, drinking, smoking, dancing, and celebrating this new chapter in our lives and entering the adult world. This lasted about three days: Celebrating, saying our goodbyes, and enjoying the beginning of summer.
Everything was going as I imagined, until about 4 days in.
I wasn't looking forward to having my tonsils removed that Wednesday, I knew that it would take a lot out of me to recover from the physical pain. So I wanted to spend as much time as I could with my loved ones before I went into the dreaded recovering state. It came from nowhere, and I didn't know what to make of it. But what happened next was a blur. I felt my tears running down my cheeks for 3 days. I granted him too much. I hated myself for acting this way. It was the one thing that I despise most in the world: Pathetic. Throughout my life, I was raised to be strong, independent, and I refused to let anyone take me down.
"You come from a long line of strong and beautiful women, Aila. Don't let any man or woman make you feel less."
This is why I didn't tell anyone for three weeks after it happened. The last thing I needed was everyone's pity. The only people that knew were my parents. I didn't know who to hate, I didn't know why it happened, I didn't know how to feel, and I hated myself for it. And as I recovered from the physical pain of the tonsilectomy and I switched from codine to tylenol, reality hit me like a slap in the face. Not only was I recovering physically, but emotionally I was numb. That Saturday kept replaying in my mind over and over and over, again and again. I thought about it so much, that I started picking apart at the reality of the situation. I compared what I had with successful and unsuccessful couples in my life. I've come to this conslusion about love:
-Love really is a bitch. You never know what it's going to do. It could either stab you in the heart, or it can make it grow. And it's unbelievable how many people risk it all.
-Love is when you always want to be with eachother. You can't stand being apart from them and would be willing to make sacrifices to be with that person.
-Time doesn't matter.
And with that, I found the strength to hold my head a little higher. I have to move on, human nature expects me to. And hopefully getting out of this hellhole will take my mind off of things and open myself to something more. Knowing that I'm able to write this out shows how much I've healed as it is. My heart still feels like it's been used, but I'm finding an outlet through my friends.
A kiss
A cuddle
A smile
A lie
It's been fun. Thanks for the memories.
