NARCISSISM! D:

Haws Legs: n: Short muscular legs that look awful in everything and you wish would go away.

I really do hate shopping. I start off great and I get really into looking for a great top to go with that skirt at home or a beautiful new cardigan. I go through every rack with a determined look in my eyes. I pick out what I like. I go to the dressing room. And I start trying on one thing at a time. And gradually I start to hate myself. I notice every flaw that I couldn't see before.

Usually I'm not like this and I'm thankful for what god has given me. But I see my 6 foot 115lbs sister try on what she likes and...well...i'm jealous. Some people stare at themselves long enough in mirrors that they start loving themselves. (YAY NARCISSISM!) I'm the opposite in the sense that I stare long enough and I start to hate myself. What's wrong with me? I see the world in a way that many don't. I see it in angles, textures, and basically a beauty in everything and everyone. It's the daydreamer in me, but I feel lucky. So my problem is this: If I could see everyone in a beautiful way, why can't I see myself?

Maybe it's just teenagerhood catching up with me or I'm reaching that stage in my life where I hate everything that I am, see, do, etc. Everyone goes through it, and I'm glad it's happening now rather than, for example, when I'm 30-something in the prime of my life working in my dream profession. Get this stage out of the way. I'm going to NYC for college. That is the one place where you can't bring yourself down. Hell, I'm feeling better just writing this whole rant out.