It wasn't one of the greatest of days. Someone says they're impressed with your work and to not change a thing. You get so proud that you show it to another person and it turns out there's improvement. I put this on repeat for the past few days. From the essays to the projects, I cannot emphasize the constant changes to be made for that "perfect grade" for that "perfect student". It's a lot more work than one thinks. And pressure isn't good for a sicky.
I feel like I'm going downhill. I'm not and I have a good excuse, but it's getting harder and harder to keep up with finals just around the corner. I just wish I could start over. I wish I didn't get mono. It's so hard to take one step at a time and keep up with everyone.
I'm thankful for my friends. They just seem to be my stress reliever now. But how often do I get to see them? Classrooms and passing classes aren't exactly the best places to relax and enjoy the company. I need to learn to relax again. I could feel that uptight worrying me coming back. I would ask for a break, but that doesn't seem to be the answer.
I miss the old times. And by old times I mean July through October. God, why did I have to get sick? Staying out late, parties, Truth or Dare?, Repo, Sonic, dancing, singing, romance, Hubbly Bubbly, Mill Ave, and theatre. I tend to say my summer lasted 4 weeks. 2 weeks in Germany, 2 weeks before school started. I'm starting to forget the rest. I love the feeling of starting off new in the school year, everything is beginning to settle. I thrive in constant energy and motion.
Lazy and uninspired is no way to go through life. This isn't me, but I have no choice but to face it now. Fuck you too, mono.
Today I had an anxiety attack. Lasted a long time too. It's this sick feeling in your stomach that stays there all day long and in one second your heart starts racing and you feel like fainting on the spot. Damn auditions. Once again, nervous, scared me is coming out. I think I'm just afriad of wasted work and disappointment.
I feel like an ass for just complaining on the internet. But god does it feel good to just write down whatever comes to your mind.
Monday, November 30, 2009
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